He's Named SamWISE Gamgee for a Reason

After our wonderful Symphonic Band concert this night I was randomly pondering the poetic beauty behind Lord of the Rings Quotes. From what is truly the greatest Trilogy of all time I have learned that there are many truly profound words spoken by these harrowing characters we have come to grow and love. I would like to share two with you all today (technically tonight, Bah!).



#1: Starting off is master Samwise Gamgee. Always the courageous one, I believe the following quote truly teaches eternal principles of why we are here in this life. Maybe Van Orden's English class is rubbing off on me a bit too much, but I can't help but think about the beauty behind all these words. It makes me rather emotional as most of you should expect from me :)

"Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEMdXhfO-Wk&feature=player_embedded

Sam understands that we do what we do in this life because we have purpose behind it. As long as we have a purpose then we have a reason to live. I many purposes of why I'm here, but I'll save that for another late night. Honestly, this quote speaks for itself almost entirely. It brings hope and faith for a bright future and strength to press on.

#2: I couldn't find the actual written quote itself, but this video has it down perfect. Gandalf speaks of eternal truths and this is so inspiring to me. It's always been one of my favorite parts of the whole Trilogy. I love how Peter Jackson sometimes takes some time to step outside of the chaos and really deliver some delicious lines from Tolkien himself. 

I like to parallel the banging against the gate from troll to our lives. Sometimes Satan comes knocking on our doors and tries to bring us down to his level. He doesn't want us to succeed, he wants us to suffer and live miserably. We would all be enslaved if we submitted to him, just like how Middle Earth would've been enslaved had Sauron won, but the inevitable eternal truth of all these things is that Good shall prevail! Especially, after this life, our journey simply continues on. We all live in the midst of one small step along the path that God has planned out before us, but what we have ahead is beautiful beyond description, which words cannot adequately describe. Gandalf talks about all of these things and more if you listen for it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoa4lGKxbw4

These 2 parts are but a small testament to the true greatness of these movies, and even more so, the power of Tolkien's writing. I encourage anyone who hasn't watched AND read the Trilogy to donate the necessary time to them. They are works of art. Masterpieces.

Hold Onto the Rod, or Glass

I wanted to make sure I preserved my experience in Sunday School today and rather than writing about it in my journal I thought I would share it with the world. This is one of those posts that more "meaningful" than it is "spam," so let's get to the point.

My Sunday School teacher is Sister Monson and today she taught us from 2nd Nephi 1-2. I actually did the reading beforehand, so I came prepared to feel the spirit. She is by far the best teacher I've ever had in church. She has lived her life in such a way that she can relate to and share with us her powerful experiences.

Today she used an intense demonstration. She reached inside this massive box she had with her and pulled out a beautiful glass. On it was engraved an 'M' in gorgeous calligraphy. She told us about how this was the last glass she had of that kind in her family. She used to have a big set of them, but after ~56 years of marriage, all the others had been destroyed. This was the lone survivor of raising all her children and of her loving marriage. This glass obviously had a history.

After elaborating on the value of this glass to her, out of the blue, she threw it into the box from full height (she's ~6' 3" I would guess) making a loud BANG! as it smacked it. We all stared in utter shock and disbelief. She reached inside quickly and grabbing the mildly chipped glass, threw it again. This time when she pulled it back out it was in pieces. This once beautiful glass was now a remnant of its former beauty. Might I add a personal note: I'm a really jumpy person, so when she did all of this it scared me badly!

She then made this profound connection. Our spirits are like the glass. She had carefully taken care of, polishing, cleaning and protecting it; just as our parents do these things as they raise us. Yet as teenagers we listen to our parents less and less. We try to rebel and think they don't know anything. We think we are better than them. Because of these false beliefs, just as she shattered her prized glass, we shatter our spirits and make stupid decisions. We throw away the precious gift given to us. Spiritual Death.

This is a very real thing. I'm not telling this story to scare anyone or be morbid by any degree. I wanted to share with you this powerful lesson of how fragile our spirits are. If there is anything in our lies that will limit or compromise our relationship with our father in heaven then STOP IT! It's not worth it. Don't break your glass for some petty mortal pleasure or short-sided desire. Widen your perspective, look farther ahead. If we can simply live our lives to the highest degree possible then the Lord will reward us with AN ETERNITY OF JOY. Think about it. Think about the biggest conceivable thing you can possibly comprehend. The Sun? The Galaxy? The Universe? CHILD'S PLAY I TELL YOU! In the grand scope of things, our mortal minds cannot comprehend Eternity itself, but we can comprehend the concept of it and appreciate its power.

Let us all preserve our glasses. Polish them. Clean them. Preserve them inside of this tumultuous world. If we do this, then we can drink of the fruit of our labors as we embrace our Father in Heaven, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

UVYSO and a Dose of Perspective Pt. 2 Play-A-Thon

Continued from my previous post about my experience with UVYSO. (Utah Valley Youth Symphony Orchestra)

Yesterday was one of those days where my lips were trying to sign a petition to disown me. I put them to work and they're still having a hard time forgiving me. Adding up my playing time here's how much I played: Symphonic Band 1 Hour + After school Symphonic Band Rehearsal 1 Hour + 4pm-10pm UVYSO Play-A-Thon 6 Hours = 8 Hours of horn, Horn, and HOOOOOOORN BABY!

I just want to talk about the Play-A-Thon. We played in the Summerhays Music Center on State Street, so we pretty much owned the store. It started out we played our Mozart piece Cosi Fan Tutte, Overture which is from one of Mozart's 20 Operas. Then we worked on Namensfeier Overture by Beethoven which is even cooler because it starts with a French Horn Duet (it's really a quartet, but we only have 2 Horns so it's a duet for us, heh).

We also worked on Howard Hanson Symphony No. 2 Movements 2 & 3. These 2 are my favorite. A cool story about these pieces really quick. When the movie "Alien" was released, it was so gory and violent that creators were afraid that people who saw it might go crazy, or go into the streets and start riots and cause chaos. So for the end credits of the movie they used Howard Hanson's Symphony No. 2 to calm the viewers. Pretty awesome, huh? Anyway, I love these pieces because they're such a challenge for me and I really get to play because of the many Horn solos and moments. They were made for Horn if you ask me.

I don't want to get into the nit and pick of the rehearsing itself, but to summarize I want to say that contrary to what you think would happen after playing your Horn for 8 hours in a day; I actually developed a stronger love for my Horn than ever. I'm sure it's like some unhealthy narcotic, you need it but you just can't stop! I definitely iced my lips afterward and begged forgiveness from them. Overall it was a very emotional experience hearing this music come together and being an influential part of it.

Now for the "Dose of Perspective" and one of my favorite parts of the whole event. After the Play-A-Thon ended I started talking with Dr. Hill like I usually do after a UVYSO rehearsal. Some tidbits on him now.

Dr. Hill was actually the Orchestra teacher at Timpview when Timpview was founded. He did a lot of really good things to make the program so good. He even left the school with 8 Holton 179 French Horns (a similar model to mine, one of the best) along with one of the best Bassoons in the world, tons of Timpani's and many other high quality instruments. Mr. Allred took over his spot.

Here's the good part:
Anyway, he's full of amazing stories, in rehearsals he often goes off on some tangent about a Horn player he once knew, a professional orchestral group he once conducted, or a trip to some amazing place. He's got a story for every occasion. Really, he does. Well, I've gotten to know him really well and he's gotten to know me really well. I love this man. He's changed me so much from just a few conversations with him! Sometimes I talk to him about the Horn stuff in the music and I talk about it in a humble way. Well, he tells me I'm making it happen, that I'm rising up and that I'm a good Horn player. Now most of you reading this will probably think that I either already know this, or that it's a given of some sort. Well, I'm here to tell you that all people need validation. Some reason to justify why we pour so much time into something like music. We spend so much time practicing, criticizing, correcting, analyzing, and overall we never really acknowledge the progress we've made. No one has ever really said, "You don't suck bro." and so continuing is often really hard. French Horn is one of the hardest instruments and without a sense of validation it is really an emotional ride of ups and downs. He encourages me, tells me I'm doing well, his overall sprinkling of praise really makes me feel good about myself. As if all this work and time is worth it.

I feel so comfortable with him that I even told him about how I'm adopted, the whole shabang. I really opened up to him. He said one thing that really stuck out to me. The gist of it was, "You're here for a reason. Because of how you got here shows that you have something here for you to do. You have a purpose to fulfill." Think about that in an eternal perspective. I really do have a lot of things that are fairly unique about me, I mean come on, I'm a weird kid. What he said was so impactful to me. I really do have a reason to be on this earth. How I was born wasn't typical, my life isn't typical, and I'm not your Average Joe. I'm not boasting at all, on the contrary, it's very humbling that Heavenly Father has given me these opportunities. The gift of life, the amazing place I live in with amazing parents who love me, a ward that's out of this world cool, a school where I can get a very high-quality education, where I can learn about music, and most importantly develop long-lasting relationships with so many friends. I love you guys so much! I'm not the best at showing it, but I really do love you all.

We talked a lot about things. It's impossible to really give justice everything we talked about, but he left me with a feeling of confidence, hope, strength, capability, competence, desire to do better, and overall joy. I see him as a bit of a mentor for me. I'm thankful to know him.

I'll be impressed if anyone actually takes the time to read all of this, but if you did then THANK YOU. It means a lot to take time to read my gibberish :)

 The Amazing Mozart We're Playing

 The Even More Amazing Beethoven

 Howard Hanson Symphony No. 2 Movement 1 is posted on Part 1 and highly recommended.
Movement 2 Gorgeous, Sonorous Beauty


Movement 3, if you listen to any of these, this is the one.

UVYSO and a Dose of Perspective Pt. 1 Intro

It's been awhile since I posted, so now it's time to repent. Instead of focusing on more abstract things, I'm going to talk more about my life.

Since last year when Zach Giddings convinced me to do Utah Valley Youth Symphony Orchestra with him, I've changed so much. It's an amazing group and Zach used to always say, "UVYSO is Timpview's real Phil Orchestra because all of Timpview's best string players go and play there." Which is pretty much true. This group is compiled of a phenomenal string section, a kick butt woodwind section, and a sexy brass section if I do say so myself (one trumbone, two horns which is usually one, referring to me, and a trumpet, all of which are phenomenal)!

Anyway, I won't expound too much on last year's experience (which was amazing) and rather focus on this year's experience and yesterday's 6 hour rehearsal. Yes, I did just say 6 hours.

This year I've had the pleasure and honor of playing Horn 1. It's hard for me to even comprehend now how much I have grown playing with this group. They set a high standard and expect you to meet it, and we have the people to meet the standard. Playing with so many good musicians rubs off on you a bit. We had a concert in the early Fall in the Covey Center which was really cool, but the next day's rehearsal we played THE HARDEST PIECE I HAVE EVER PLAYED. I was sight-reading Howard Hanson's Symphony Number 2. Now to put this rehearsal into perspective. The day before (a monday) we had a symphonic band rehearsal, then we had ~ 4 hours of rehearsing BEFORE the concert, and then a 2 hour concert playing in roughly 9 songs. THEN I go into a rehearsal on Tuesday (4pm-6pm) and play THE MOST DEMANDING PIECE I'VE EVER PLAYED.

When we started the piece I was so bad. It was pretty dang high and the intervals were unlike anything I've ever heard. So, after the conductor (Dr. Terry Hill, my new idol pretty much) restarted the piece 4 times because a certain Horn player (ME :) was sucking, something magical happened. It all started coming out. My ears adjusted to these unique intervals, I got used to being a soloist literally the whole piece, playing my one horn with the volume and fullness of 6, and an overall change in me that hasn't ever gone away. That rehearsal changed me as a Horn player. I've never sight-read such a hard piece so well. I felt accomplished. This really set me on track. My playing has matured immensely since then.

Now this is where I have to make a point. Don't get me wrong, Timpview Band/Orchestra are both amazing groups. We have an awesome program going and fantastic players, but to go to a group like UVYSO where all the players there are some of the best from their school and put together a piece like that is something you can't get anywhere else.

My story with UVYSO, to be continued...

Here's the piece that I've been raving about that you should all listen to forever and ever.

Click Here for Happiness

Romantic Poetry

So, I'm making this really quick because I'm tired but I felt like sharing this for the heck of it.

In AP European History for Chivalry Day I had to read a poem and a speech extolling female virtues. So, I wrote a romantic love poem. What seemed to me cheesy, actually made all the girls in the class swoon and many of them later told me it was really good. I'll possibly elaborate more on my thoughts about why this worked so well later.

Here it is (Read it slowly, romantically, seductively, and wish passion):

Extolling Female Virtues

A woman, finest of all,

Teaches us, how to stand tall.

She walks in light,

To everyone’s delight.

She sings, we cry for joy,

She dances, we gaze in wonder.

She stands strongest of all,

Where most men fall.

She comforts the weak,

While others walk by.

She’s a gem in all eyes,

That defies all belief.

Queens over us, she loves unconditionally.

Hence women must never, ever be passed by,

As they are greater, than any sort of guy.

The Beauty of Adoption

I love to share my story of how I was adopted with others, so I thought I would share it with all of you in a nice little post! Sorry it's a wall of text, but I promise it's worth the time to read!

Intro:
My whole life I've had questions buzzing around in my head. Why am I so different from my parents? How come my genetics and other traits so different? What do I do when my Biology teacher wants me to trace back my genetic tree? What are my genetics? What blood do I have in me? Where are my ancestors from? Who is my Birth Father? etc. etc.

What is my story of how I got here?

Here it is as far as I know:
When I was born my birth mother Mindy Hassard (awesome last name right!?) was not in a position to take care of me. Some conditions at the time include: she has bi-polar which makes her life much harder (just to clarify, bi-polar is not multi-personalities, it is when you have drastic mood swings. Everyone has bi-polar to a certain extent, but people diagnosed with it tend to have more regular EXTREMES of sadness or happiness). I also have a half-brother, Colby Hassard, who was 8 at the time of my birth. Also, whatever conditions existed at the time in terms of my father I assume were very hard. So, given these various circumstances when I was born, Mindy was in no position to raise me in a way that would be best for my growth and development. She loved me so much that she made the extremely difficult decision to have me adopted.

At the same time, my mom Jan Engle was trying to have her own child. She had a miss-carriage in the past and it was proving difficult for her to have her own child. So, she began looking to adopt a child. My Aunt Arlene was aware of my mom's predicament and desire to adopt. She also happened to live in the same area as Mindy, so 2+2=4 and the process of adoption took place and VWELAH! here I am in Provo, Utah with the best parents in the world!

I also would like to clarify that while I was adopted away from my birth family, we still have a very strong relationship with all of them. I love Mindy, Colby, Grams (bless her soul), Gramps, and everyone else in my family on that side. It's really cool to have 3 sides to my family. It's also really awesome to have such a mature relationship with them. At the moment my brother Colby is a return missionary who served a full time mission in Texas. He's going to UVU right now. I don't know him as well as I wish I do, but we love each other and that's what's most important. It's really hard to get together when I have crazy High School/Band owning my life and College/Marriage owning his.

In respect to who my birth father is the short answer is I don't know. The long answer is what I plan to do. My brother (who has a different birth father than mine) met with his birth father a few times before his mission. He was able to get to know him a bit and it sounded rather interesting. I think that's what I plan on doing. I think it will be a good experience, and the time will come.

Testimony:
Now why would I explain all of this? Well, to make everything clear I want you all to know that I don't ever question whether Jan and Ross (it feels so weird to say that, I prefer mom and dad :) are my parents. I love them as much as is humanly possible and I know they love me even more. We may not have the same genetics in common, but we have a much more powerful binding relationship. I have been sealed to my parents in the temple for all of time and eternity. I am so grateful that I have grown up, and live in a place where the Gospel is so strong, and I can have these sacred covenants and ordinances in my life. They bind me with my parents for time and eternity, so our genetics may not have any relation, but our spirits are bound forever. Take a moment to put that into perspective... that's amazing. Eternity's a long time, and I wouldn't spend it any other way.

I have a testimony that through the temple we can all be families together forever. I am so thankful that I have been born into the Gospel. The blessings I receive are innumerable. The Gospel makes everything possible, and as long as I do what God wants me to then he is able edify me in my every day life. It's humbling to think that out of the billions of people to live on this earth, I get to be one of those who has received the Gospel in this life. I bear testimony that these things are true and say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Many Reasons I Am a Nerd...

I figure this will be an ever growing post because the reasons are never ending. I steadfastly believe in my nerdiness. Most people have one or two nerdy things that they do or have done. I on the other hand... well, at least I am honest right? So here goes my list:

#1: I read books. I know you're all thinking, "Well, I read books too. What's wrong with that?" While I may stick to the status-quo most of the time and read the latest fantasy books I also read other various books. I sometimes read deep books about Leadership and other thought provoking topics that cause you to think more about yourself. Heck, I have been reading some books written by Horn players from various perspectives and viewpoints in relation to the Horn. I try to read my scriptures 15 minutes a day. It happens more during the school year because of Seminary, but while I don't claim to be a "religious" scripture reader (think about it, that's a great pun!) I do try, so that counts as some of my reading. I also have discovered a new craze inside of me for my reading habits, physics books. As I elaborated on in painful detail in my previous post I have become infatuated with Dr. Michio Kaku's books because they delve deep into the most mind blowing concepts to ever enter my little noggin. When I read my books they become heart heart, soul, life blood, and possibly an unhealthy obsession.

#2: I have watched some various TV Series that I think many will consider nerdy. I have watched all ten seasons of Stargate SG-1 including the three movies that go with it. I really want to watch Stargate Atlantis (not really Universe, it seems and I have heard, that it is lame) but I have no means to watch it at the moment. Ten seasons of it is quite a bit. Each episode is roughly 45 minutes long and there are roughly 23 episodes per season which adds up to 172.5 hours roughly. Yeah, epic time waster if I do say so myself but it made me more "cultured"? Anyway, I have also watched all of Naruto and a decent amount of Naruto Shippuden which I have got to say, that's pretty stinking nerdy, but yet again I am Honest Abe when it comes to my nerdy confessions.

I don't know if you consider this nerdy but it's a part of me and I feel like adding it. My mom has been recording her favorite shows and moves on VHS her whole life for her child that she would finally have. Well, unfortunate for her, she got a boy (Don't misinterpret this, my mom loves me and I love her). Unfortunate for me, I get to watch them anyway. Don't get me wrong, there's a secret part of me deep down inside that enjoys the majority of what she shows me (pretty gross right?) but I try not to say that straight up. Some of the things I have seen because of my mom include: Little House on the Prairie, Laural and Hardy (great black and white comedy, not girly), I Love Lucy (who doesn't love this show? Seriously!), SHIRLEY TEMPLE MOVIES (the ultimate sin my mother has committed against me, again with the whole secretly enjoy it thing), various old movies, various old shows that don't come to mind. Basically my mom's goal is to feminize me (not really, but sometimes it feels like that), but I have to hold onto what testosterone I have left gosh darn it!

#3: I play a musical instrument AKA French Horn. BOOYAHH BABY!!!! Okay, don't get me wrong, most of the things I put on this list are stereotypical nerdiness. I love band everything about it. It has taught me how to live my life to the fullest and I've made more friends than I thought would ever acknowledge my existence! I love being a band nerd and sharing my nerdiness with the world. My woman... Serenity... she's so beautiful.... (my French Horn's name fool!) oh.... Draco... (moans like Voldemort in Harry Potter 7 Part 2) I mean *cough*! I love my woman Serenity and don't forget Farkas, my non gender specific mouthpiece! I love them both so much... Anyway... I love French Horn with a passion. The tone encapsulates my soul and passion. Its sound exceeds the voice of angels. Its beauty inspires me in so many ways. I can't express it enough that I LOVE FRENCH HORN!!!

#4: The previously mentioned note brings me to my next point. Most people buy the latest party music etc. from iTunes... except me. I typically buy movie soundtracks that I thought had great Horn parts. Seriously, nothing gets the tears running for me more than a well timed Horn party in a movie. Wrenches my soul to tears. To put this into perspective get this. Whenever I go on Soarin' Over California (or California Soarin'? I can't remember) I cry because there's all the atmospheric effects coupled with the amazing footage, and of course the sonorous Horn lines pulsating through my body. That ride gets me every time. Disney Castle + Atmospheric Effects + Flying Through the Air + FRENCH HORN = Jonathan crying.

#5: The previously mentioned brings up my next point. I am a sensitive guy! I tend to cry in quite a few movies   I see, good books that move me, French Horn parts in just about everything, the gospel and when I feel the spirit strongly or I am moved to share my testimony, and I am sure there is more. Let me also put this into perspective. When Monster's Inc. was a new movie (so yes, quite awhile ago) my mom and I went and saw it and I was balling at the end. I think everyone in the movie theater thought I was crazy. I also cried multiple times in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and in Harry Potter 7 Part 2. So, I get movies emotionally pretty stinkin' easy. Maybe some of you knew (if you have been in seminary then you know lol) and the rest of you know now.

#6: I'll make this brief. I play video games on and off from quite a bit to not very much, but the fact is I do play video games like most guys do. I'm pretty mature with how much I play games but I do have a Playstation 2 and have a few computer games I am involved in (and no I don't play stupid Farmville, stop inviting me with a special offer saying I well get a "special papaya tree". I don't care! No I won't join your gang, if I'm gonna bust a cap then it's real life or bust).

#7: I am sure most of you know this about me. If you don't you will. I am horrible with my puns. I can't stop them. They just come vomiting out of my mouth. They're an unstoppable force. Ya know what? I'm not even going to add one to this post because I know that you know about me and my puns.

#8: I'm just a weird kid. 'Nuff said.

#9: I'm fairly OCD about various things such as getting good grades, symmetry in things (kind of hard to explain, especially on a blog that hardly anyone will read), I always finger my marching band music never endingly, I can't stand bad grammar and bad spelling, and so on and so forth.

#10: I'm addicted to BYU? I consider this a 100% positive normal attribute but maybe I take it to a crazy limit.

#11: I am a cat person. I have three cats named Larry, Misty and Attache. Larry is the anorexic orange and white one. Misty is the sweet little half-siamese, and Attache is the big fat black guy. Yes, I consider myself a creepy cat guy. I get it from my parents. They are creepy cat people. Being such a cat person has also affected me in an odd way. When I work with babies I have this odd thing where I feel like I don't know what to do, so I end up doing what I do to our cats... I pet their heads. Yeah, moving on.

That's all the juices I got in me now. Overall I'm just a weird, quirky guy, but maybe now you know me better. If you're smart, you will probably avoid me now. If you are nice then you won't though. We all have our things that makes us weird and who we are. Just I am more honest than you people *glares*.